Reisman: Selling Hillary in a fat-fingered world

For 45 bucks you can buy a unisex "Hillary Hoodie" for yourself or your dog.

Yes, you can. A hoodie.

You can also purchase Hillary-brand coffee mugs, water bottles, cat collars, buttons, mason jars, shirts, hats, headbands, refrigerator magnets, baby wear, champagne glasses and — take a deep breath — a set of 'H'ostest With The Mostest' cocktail napkins with memorable Hillary quotes printed in gold, e.g.: "I really do hope that we have a woman president in my lifetime."

This particular item should carry a caveat emptor. The quotes do not include the old but wordy chestnut—"(T)he great story here for anybody willing to find it and write about it and explain it is this vast right-wing conspiracy that has been conspiring against my husband since the day he announced for president."

Nor, we must presume, do they say anything risqué like, "Let's you and me get hammered," or "Files? What files?" or "No, for the umpteenth time I did not have Vince Foster killed."

Anyway, the napkins are made of recycled paper. Cost: $15.

Then there's the St. Patrick's Day T-shirt. It's priced at $20.16, as in 2016. Oops, they're already out of stock on that one.

Perhaps this isn't the best time to poke fun at the Ready for Hillary online store, given the beleaguered Madam Secretary Clinton's mounting delete-and-denial troubles with her email.

On second thought, maybe this is the perfect moment.

Presented is the discordant parallel universe of Hillary. Here we have a digital shop hawking all sorts of happy cheerleading doodads and cheap marketing junk for a would-be presidential candidate who, thanks to the bagmen on Wall Street, already has more money than God.

And then we have the super-secretive, would-be candidate herself, glowering before reporters and TV cameras in full defensive mode, trying to explain why she used her private email account for both personal and government correspondence when she was secretary of state.

It was "convenient" she said, to use one electronic device and one email account. By the way, how do you manage that balancing act without making embarrassing fat-fingered mistakes? Watch, someday we'll find out that she called Vladimir Putin "a big fat jerk" in an email that was meant for Bill.

Hillary said she determined that 30,000 files, about half of the email trove, were personal, so she had them deleted — and she wasn't going to allow any access to her server. We'll just have to place our trust in her judgment as to what things we should know, or not know.

One of the unintended ironies of the Ready for Hillary store is a weird photograph of her that is emblazoned on T-shirts, posters, car magnets and cellphone cases. It shows her wearing dark glasses and texting on a phone —presumably the same phone she simultaneously used to plan Chelsea's wedding and send urgent directives to U.S. embassies.

The photo is black and white. She appears to be sitting on an airplane.

You can't see her eyes through the sunglasses.

She's frowning.

It might remind you a little of Dr. Strangelove. But that's not it exactly. It's just strange.

Ready for Hillary? Put your answer in an email. LOL :)

email: preisman@lohud.com twitter: @philreisman