Reisman: Cuomo's 'mem-wah' missing in action

The release of Gov. Andrew Cuomo's long-awaited political memoir, "All Things Possible," has been postponed again.

Originally, the 528-page "mem-wah" was supposed to come out Aug. 5. Then it was pushed back to Sept. 16. Now, the release date is set for Oct. 14. Anybody want to take bets on that?

This strange sidelight to the gubernatorial campaign was reported by the Albany Times Union but it hasn't gotten a lot of notice. HarperCollins, the publisher, continues to cite unspecified "production schedule changes" for the holdup.

One wonders. Here's an irresponsible rumor that you may spread freely: Cuomo never wrote the "mem-wah" in the first place.

Yeah, that's it. Over the winter, the governor holed up in Room 217 at the old and creepy Gideon Putnam Hotel in Saratoga Springs, the perfect place to write a "mem-wah" about ambition and New York politics. Using a manual typewriter, he worked day and night at a killer pace, stopping only occasionally to give condescending noogies to the bellboys. Cuomo pounded on the typewriter, and in the end produced a mountain of onionskin pages that he confidently mailed to his editors.

The HarperCollins executives, who had given Cuomo a sizable advance, discovered to their horror that the manuscript contained only one sentence that was repeated in every single-spaced line of every paragraph for 528 pages, not including the index.

"All work and no play makes Andy a dull boy. All work and no play makes Andy …"

My apologies to Stephen King, but it's true that Cuomo's book (and by extension his re-election effort) has been haunted all summer by two unforeseen specters: the flap over the governor's sudden disbanding of the anti-corruption Moreland Commission and Zephyr Teachout, who captured 15 minutes of fame by challenging the incumbent in the Democratic primary.

In the fast-paced digital age, books are a clunky medium. Books can't compete with real-time events. With his high poll numbers and millions of dollars in campaign funds, Cuomo expected this election to be a cakewalk, but when it came to producing a self-congratulatory autobiography, every negative headline forced him into a kind of permanent rewrite mode. These "production schedule changes" must be driving him crazy.

Every day, there's another story that requires a response. Cuomo is said to be a control freak, but try as he might he can't control the 24-hour news cycle, which continually shapes the state's pressing issues, such as the Environmental Protection Agency's rejection of most of his $511 million loan request for the construction of the new Tappan Zee Bridge. His "mem-wah" is in danger of being hounded all the way to the remainder bin. (The audiobook version might save the day, if it's narrated by Christopher Walken, but I hear he's unavailable.)

Meanwhile, Cuomo's latest antagonist appears to be none other than Sean Astorino, an 11-year-old fan of the Miami Dolphins and son of Rob Astorino.

Astorino, who could write a book of his own on how to run a campaign with practically no money, enjoys putting his children in the political limelight. They're cute and they come cheap.

Shameless? Exploitive? Maybe. But he's not the only politician who does this. See: de Blasio, Dante.

At any rate, Sean is a natural. Last year, a Westchester Magazine profile of Rob Astorino described the boy as "his dad's mini-me, with the same broad face and gregarious manner. He loves to press the flesh like his dad."

The Cuomo campaign needled Astorino's affection for the Dolphins football team by running a commercial in western New York, which is Buffalo Bills territory. The ad included a photo of Astorino and Sean at a Dolphins game, but through the magic of Photoshopping, Sean's image was erased from the picture.

In reply, Astorino put out a 37-second video in which Sean, seated behind a desk, scolds the governor. He tells him the photo was "one of my favorite pictures ever with my dad."

"It wasn't very nice that you cut me out of it," he says. "Do you really like chopping up Astorino family photos?" He ends by challenging Cuomo to stop "telling lies about my dad on TV."

They're onto something with Sean. In the next video, they ought to have him yelling at Chris Christie or Donald Trump.

I wonder if he has a book agent.

Reach Phil Reisman at preisman@lohud.com. Twitter: @philreisman.