PHIL REISMAN

Phil Reisman: The perilous politics of 'Happy Holidays'

Phil Reisman
preisman@lohud.com
Phil Reisman

Nothing is as politically correct as a politician's "holiday" card.

The season's greetings from elected officials must be conceived with extreme care and checked twice before mailing, lest anyone be offended. Government is a secular animal, so any hint of religiosity is avoided.

There is no such thing as Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa — at least not under Government World's unwritten rules of yuletide correspondence. By the way, I apologize for the modifier, yuletide. Just forget I said it.

These joyous events (did I leave anything out?) are generically lumped under the rubric of "Happy Holidays."

Generally speaking, political Happy Holiday cards are about as inspirational as those annual expressions of good cheer that come from, say, a Toyota dealership or from gratuity-seeking garbage men. Usually Happy Holiday Cards show the spouse and kiddies. A pet is nice, unless it's a pit bull or a python. Another variety is the iconic scene, a recognizable landmark that symbolizes the state or city represented by the elected official.

Because of the nature of my job, I am on very few Happy Holiday card lists. But I have received two this year — one from Gov. Andrew Cuomo and the other from Yonkers Mayor Mike Spano. They are a study in contrasting styles.

Gov. Andrew Cuomo and family in their 2014 holiday card.

Cuomo's card shows him in a blue suit and red-and-black striped tie posed with his three smiling daughters and gal pal, Sandra Lee. It's a perfectly nice family photo.

But with its muted color, it is far from a festival of light. Except for the requisite Happy Holidays message on the front of the card you wouldn't know what on earth they were celebrating. It has a kind of Festivus-for-the-rest-of-us feel — only no one is wrestling and there's no pole.

Cuomo could use a pair of deer antlers or an itchy snowman sweater — anything to help humanize him. On the other hand, there's probably no amount of dressing up he can do to mollify the state's pro-fracking crowd who will forever regard him as the Grinch who stole their natural gas.

Last year, Cuomo took the iconic approach. His card was nothing more than a view from the snow-covered top of Mount Marcy, the highest Adirondack mountain peak in New York. One or two cynics thought the limbs of a small tree in the foreground resembled a certain obscene gesture, which just goes to show you that in modern politics you can't win for losing, even with Happy Holiday cards.

Yonkers Mayor Mike Spano and family a 2014 holiday card.

In any case, Spano's 2014 Happy Holiday card is far more pleasing. It combines the two concepts of family and landmark. Along with his wife and kids, the mayor is standing at the steps in front of Yonkers City Hall, an architecturally impressive building, which is bathed in green and red light. Standing unobtrusively in the background is a Christmas tree topped by a large snowflake ornament.

Some thought went into this. The mayor's spokeswoman, Christina Gilmartin, said the location for the photo shoot was chosen by Spano's wife, TV anchorwoman Mary Calvi, because it was the first year in recent memory that a lit tree was placed in front of City Hall. About 1,900 cards were mailed out this year.

I should mention that another requirement of the Happy Holiday card is the important disclaimer printed in tiny type on the back. On Spano's card it says, "Not Printed Or Mailed At Taxpayer Expense."

The governor's card says, "Paid for by Cuomo Hochul 2014, Inc."

Hochul, incidentally, is Kathy Hochul, who as the newly elected lieutenant governor will be consigned to anonymity the instant she is sworn into office. If everything goes according to plan, you will never see her name in print again.

For kicks I invited critiques of the Spano and Cuomo holiday cards on my Facebook page, which was a lot like throwing chum to sharks. Predictably, the commentary quickly degenerated to bipartisan bickering over taxes, Tappan Zee Bridge tolls, gay rights, etc. Cuomo took the brunt of the insults, of course.

I did get a third card, by the way, from a semi-political type. Steve Tenore used to be chairman of the Westchester County Board of Legislators, but he has not held public office for many years — a fact that is revealed by his politically incorrect card.

It's a very funny sendup of a Dear Santa letter from a disappointed child, who physically threatens the jolly elf and drops the f-bomb three or four times.

In a postscript Tenore wrote, "Doesn't this card just scream of holiday cheer?"

Reach Phil Reisman at preisman@lohud.com Twitter: @philreisman.