Phil Reisman: A big fat 'no' from the Hillary robot

What am I, chopped liver? Don't answer that.

Let me explain.

On Aug. 14, I wrote to Hillary Clinton inviting her to appear as an interview guest on my lohud.com webcast, which, like "Everybody Loves Raymond," is currently in reruns.

I've had some fascinating people on that show, among them Assemblyman Steve "Reefer Madness" Katz, two wild and crazy guys named Spano, and a Canada geese advocate. So it only seemed natural to query the Chappaqua resident, a political superstar who at this early juncture is considered certain to be the 2016 Democratic choice for president — though pundits and prognosticators have listed at least six other pie-in-the-sky candidates.

Actually, I didn't write Clinton directly. I was instructed to send my request to a mysterious entity called Media@. Was this man, beast or robot? Being of reasonably average intelligence, I immediately suspected that Media@ was nothing more than a black hole, a cyberspace equivalent of the circular file.

Bingo!

Well, I played along. I tried appealing to Clinton's status as a "Westchester resident," you know, the old local-yokel angle that I admit is too cute by half and a little ridiculous, but what the hell.

To Media@, I wrote: "I think it would be nice if she granted an interview to her hometown newspaper, don't you? We're flexible. But would she be available in September?"

Sometimes I crack myself up — "We're flexible."

Like I said, that was in August. Time passed. I think my email must have gotten lost in an overstuffed inbox, under a half-eaten cheeseburger and cables from Benghazi because Media@ didn't get back to me until Monday, Jan. 5.

"Hi Phil,

"Sorry for the delay on this, but thank you for reaching out, and thank you for the offer. Unfortunately, I'm afraid we're going to have to pass. That said, please don't hesitate to reach out going forward."

I figured Media@ would blow me off, but five months after the fact? Anyway, you simply can't beat the exquisite chirpiness of the reply, which only proves that there are all kinds of ways of flipping someone the bird without stooping to vulgarity.

This reminds me. The other day I posted the Media@ exchange on Facebook, which elicited some interesting replies, including this entertaining gem from former Yonkers mayor John Spencer, who attempted to unseat Clinton in the 2006 Senate race. "I just love Hillary. She is soooo honest and nice, andrespectful to all people. I'mjust shocked it took her so long to get back to such a fine journalist. Boo Hoo. Awwww!!"

Interpret that any way you like.

Tom Murphy, a Democratic Mamaroneck town councilman, messaged: "Should have asked me Phil, I would have gotten back to you sooner and I am more interesting. Or me and John Spencer together."

As Media@ would say, thank you for reaching out, Tom, and please don't hesitate to reach out going forward.

To be fair to the Hillary Clinton machine, I've also had difficulty contacting George Pataki. The former New York governor said last month that he was thinking about running for president as well, but lately he's been MIA. And he lives in Garrison, too. Hey, wait a minute. Is this some kind of local/centrist conspiracy?

Pataki is on a very long list of possible Republican candidates, but he is a long shot at best. In fact, it's safe to say that at the moment he has about as much of a chance as Donald Trump and Harold Stassen — and Stassen has been dead for 14 years.

That wisecrack will probably cost me. I may never hear from Pataki now.

By the way, if you've never heard of Stassen, just know that he was once governor of Minnesota, who ran for the GOP presidential nomination 10 times, from 1940 to 2000. He never won. If there were a Hall of Fame for Perseverance, Stassen would be a charter member.

Stassen believed that anything can happen in politics. Pataki learned that lesson when he rose from relative obscurity to beat Mario Cuomo in the 1994 gubernatorial race.

You would think that Hillary Clinton learned it too when Barack Obama pulled the Democratic nomination right out from under her — except that Matt Latimer, a writer for Politico, has observed that just like in 2008, "she is running as the overconfident, inevitable nominee with safe speeches filled with mush …"

And I'm chopped liver, which is as good as mush. I put the question to my friend Mike Edelman, a longtime politics watcher.

He said: "You are really pâté."

Reach Phil Reisman at preisman@lohud.com. Twitter: @philreisman